I've never felt more emotional than I have lately. It might be because I'm getting less and less sleep, it might be because due to a lack of routine I spend countless hours overanalysing things, but I feel like it's mostly due to the fact I'm not resisting change anymore.
I think it's amazing that after all of these attempts to change the way I feel about things, it all came down to one word. I know that this blind hope of everything just falling into place is not something I should be solely relying on. I know I need to experience things, rather than isolating myself from the world because I feel like it has nothing to offer me.
It's easy enough to say all this now. Writing a blog does nothing to ensure change. In fact, if anything, it takes away the motivation by getting it out there and keeps me from dwelling on it, which is actually a good thing. I feel that I've taken enough measures to ensure that I'll follow through this time. I can't keep living like this, and this is the wake-up call I needed.