Monday, December 15, 2008


So much for the two months estimate.

Yet again, my inability to keep my thoughts to myself and my mouth shut jeopardises the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. Well, a friendship, but it's one that plays a large part in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed.

It's funny, almost Shakespearean, in a way. The very outcome I feared would happen has, and I'm entirely to blame. I feel that if I wasn't paranoid enough to come up with these scenarios, I wouldn't be trapped in one right now.

I'm not quite sure what I hoped to accomplish by typing all this out. It's a strange situation, and really, the only thing to do is just wait it out and hope for the best. Odds are, I'm making this entirely more melodramatic than it actually is, but let's be honest: if I didn't do that with everything, I wouldn't have the need for this blog.

Monday, December 8, 2008

i got soul doubt.

Life continues to be at a high, but in all seriousness, it's the holidays and that's no real accomplishment. I'm enjoying myself so far, the band has enough material for a demo, been hanging out with some top people, but as I stated not too long ago, this isn't a place for the events, it's a place for reflecting on them and how they affect me.

There's really only one thing that I need to make a decision on, something that I'm kind of struggling to deal with, and could end up being fair big if I don't decide something soon. It's strange, it shouldn't affect me at all, but it's affecting my views on certain things. I'm pretty sure I'll end up making a mature choice on the matter, even if I have been acting somewhat immature about it, but there's nothing to stress over.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. My life isn't really going full force right now, I suppose I just felt I should put an update in so I don't forget about this place for when I really need it. I don't see that happening for at least another two months.

Monday, December 1, 2008

explanations turn to expectations

I know I'll always make an entry like this a mere few days before I regret it wholeheartedly, but this time feels so true. My life is going so well. I haven't been depressed at all in over a week, which although not sounding like much, is a decent accomplishment.

I've made it through this term surprisingly easy, and I feel like I've got almost everything sorted out. There's one small factor I'm going to deal with soon, but until then, I feel like I should just let everything just kind of run itself out. After all, I don't often get the time to appreciate these moods.

I have band practice and a hair cut tomorrow, three days of school, and then going to the city on Saturday to get new clothes. I'm not just happy, I'm feeling confident, I'm feeling content with who I am. I'm feeling like the perfect balance of old and new Nick.

I also feel that my discussions with Sara have helped me come to this realization, so for the first time ever in blog history, I'm going to give named thanks. Thanks, Sara.