Thursday, November 12, 2009

lonely train.

This is another night of plans falling through, another night of regression and reclusion, but most importantly, it's another night where cynicism and logic moves back to make room for regret, sentimentality and most of all, loneliness. It's nights like these that impact upon me the most.

I often worry about losing the people that I hold closest to me. I feel like I haven't carved a suitable enough mark on their lives, and it concerns me that one day they could all just wake up and decide that they didn't need me anymore. I suppose it's a common and human concern; I don't find it hard to believe that people worry about losing the people they care about the most. I just wish there was a way that I could get a break from these thoughts, have my mind at ease for just a few days.

But now I've realized that these problems are only going to get worse from here on out. School's over, I'm not going to see everyone every day, which means my impact on their lives are going to decrease. What if I wake up one day in 3 or 4 years and just realize that I've lost everyone? I'm someone who relies on other people to live, I can't be a solitary person for an extended period of time. The thought of it scares me to death.

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