saeglopur.

So much for the two months estimate.

Yet again, my inability to keep my thoughts to myself and my mouth shut jeopardises the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed. Well, a friendship, but it's one that plays a large part in the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed.

It's funny, almost Shakespearean, in a way. The very outcome I feared would happen has, and I'm entirely to blame. I feel that if I wasn't paranoid enough to come up with these scenarios, I wouldn't be trapped in one right now.

I'm not quite sure what I hoped to accomplish by typing all this out. It's a strange situation, and really, the only thing to do is just wait it out and hope for the best. Odds are, I'm making this entirely more melodramatic than it actually is, but let's be honest: if I didn't do that with everything, I wouldn't have the need for this blog.

i got soul doubt.

Life continues to be at a high, but in all seriousness, it's the holidays and that's no real accomplishment. I'm enjoying myself so far, the band has enough material for a demo, been hanging out with some top people, but as I stated not too long ago, this isn't a place for the events, it's a place for reflecting on them and how they affect me.

There's really only one thing that I need to make a decision on, something that I'm kind of struggling to deal with, and could end up being fair big if I don't decide something soon. It's strange, it shouldn't affect me at all, but it's affecting my views on certain things. I'm pretty sure I'll end up making a mature choice on the matter, even if I have been acting somewhat immature about it, but there's nothing to stress over.

I don't really know why I'm writing this. My life isn't really going full force right now, I suppose I just felt I should put an update in so I don't forget about this place for when I really need it. I don't see that happening for at least another two months.

explanations turn to expectations

I know I'll always make an entry like this a mere few days before I regret it wholeheartedly, but this time feels so true. My life is going so well. I haven't been depressed at all in over a week, which although not sounding like much, is a decent accomplishment.

I've made it through this term surprisingly easy, and I feel like I've got almost everything sorted out. There's one small factor I'm going to deal with soon, but until then, I feel like I should just let everything just kind of run itself out. After all, I don't often get the time to appreciate these moods.

I have band practice and a hair cut tomorrow, three days of school, and then going to the city on Saturday to get new clothes. I'm not just happy, I'm feeling confident, I'm feeling content with who I am. I'm feeling like the perfect balance of old and new Nick.

I also feel that my discussions with Sara have helped me come to this realization, so for the first time ever in blog history, I'm going to give named thanks. Thanks, Sara.

you ain't nothin' but a dead duck; i ain't nothin', but a hound dog

I will never feel more relaxed and at peace with both myself, and the world, than when I listen to Brand New.

Jesse Lacey, you're a brilliant man.

fix you with cement galloshes.

I'm feeling so isolated and antisocial over the last few days. I'm not even putting in an effort anymore, and it feels like I'm slowly shutting down on the inside, like I'm retreating into some kind of fucking fantasy world.

I don't even feel realistic anymore. There's no reason for me to be depressed. My life is amazing, I'm so much better off than so many people, so why do I feel the need to complain all the time? But, because I'm aware of this, I feel like that's why I'm not discussing it; because I have no explanation as to why it's happening.

I think though, if I actually can overcome this by myself, it'll accomplish so much more than when I simply rely on others to get me through the hard times. Like, maybe I'll be able to finally man up and get over all of this.

fly to live; aces high.

I'm enjoying life. Everything is going so amazing. A renewed interest in guitar provides me with an outlet for boredom, my allergies are gone, and I'm finally showing initiative and studying for my business exam (which is on Friday).

I should maybe be stressing at least a little bit about my upcoming exams, but I feel like I can cruise through them. If I don't set goals, I won't be let down, and I'm 100% sure I won't fail anything (except for maybe business, which is why I'm studying).

I no longer feel that I let myself down. I'm happy with myself and the things I do. Or, at least I am for now, and considering this is usually the point where I'm depressed as ever, I think it's an amazing accomplishment for me.

I'm actually feeling content with everything. The fact I can just sit through Shuffle without feeling the need to change anything is pretty neat, and fairly symbolic; everything that's getting thrown at me is different, but still somewhat enjoyable and I can deal with it.

For once, I am truly happy.

cut myself wide open on this stage as I am paid to spill my guts

This isn't a place for the events of my life. The people who read this are probably pretty aware of what's going on with me, and I think it's pretty cool that I don't have to rehash anything here, it's all just new material that relates to the side of me even those few rarely see.

Last night, some shit happened, and I got fairly upset. I'm not going to go into it, because almost no one knows and I don't feel like talking about it, but I realize now how lucky I am to have friends that are there to support me when I really need it.

If anything, this update is just here to say thankyou to all of those people I really do care about; you make my life a much easier task to live, and the level of gratitude I feel towards all of you really doesn't have words.

This is directed to all of you who play a part in the mixed-genre series of my life; the people I can trust with my secrets, the people who offer distractions from the monotony of real life, the people I can have real conversations with and even the people who I just joke around with:

you guys honestly mean the world to me.